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Ramblings of a Marauder
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PadFoot
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Post: #121
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

^ ya it is, but you are L not trying to be. YOU ARE!




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11-15-2007 11:17 AM
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Moony
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Post: #122
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

...I'll take that as a compliment....?



淡い記憶がまだ 残した傷みに滲む 手に入れたものが 全て過ちでも
Awai kioku ga mada nokoshita itami ni nijimu Te ni ireta mono ga subete ayamachi de mo



Asai nemuri no naka hagareta omoi ga kishimu Nani mo kamo ima wa subete keshisaretara
浅い眠りの中 剥がれた想いが軋む 何もかも今は 全て消し去れたら

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Member of:
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The Order of the Phoenix


Currently Working On:
I Solemnly Swear I am Up to No Good - Chapter 6
Red Noon - Chapter 3

11-15-2007 11:18 AM
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PadFoot
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Post: #123
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

^You should.




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11-15-2007 11:08 PM
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Moony
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Post: #124
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

Alright, wellÖ havenít written in this for a while now. But maybe thatís a good thing; I never have anything to write about anyway. Maybe itís just the way things are supposed to be, but everything is out of place, and increasingly often I have then unfortunate habit of noticing. Not that Iíll get very far anyway, my lack of self-confidence will probably get in the way of my studies, plummeting me further into the hole Iíve dug for myself. Well, at least itís got a lot of booksÖ. I can contribute in my own way as best I can to everything I do. I want to do more, but I know that it will never be enough from me personally. Thereís just a certain mental blockade that prevents me from doingÖ pretty much anything. o-o Not a phobiaÖ JustÖ a wish, I guess. Something along those lines. One that everyone has: wanting to bring back someone who they have lost, one way or another. The more perceptive of you can just guess what I mean when I say this, and I would rather not explain it for those of you who donít get it. Now there are about 6 layers of my constant thoughts on several very personal issues in that text. Hope at least one of you can guess at what I mean. Understanding isnít required. I just want to be connected to someone who can comfort me at leastÖ I donít really talk to anyone anymore, so I canít tell anyone about whatís going on in my head without it somehow backfiring on me in some way shape or formÖ With some people they turn it into something about themselves, others ignore me, some Iíd rather not tell because Iím afraid of making a scene, and there are a few people I would never tell who I used to trust with my entire beingÖ There is one person though that I trust beyond reason though, but at least one issue I do have with themÖ and someone else I held dear. But itís nothing I canít just get over in time, and I donít think itís even an issue. Hell, I donít even want to say because Iíve seen what might happenÖ and I donít want that. Itís nothing important anyway, just a feelingÖ
Anyway, ever since I got into that accident things have been really weird. Quite honestly, I think thereís a part of me that saw the end coming when I was watching the window break in. Itís actually quite amusingÖ To think that part still expects to die anyway. I donít think Iím afraid anymore, if I was. I probably am, though. After all, the car accident was nothing compared to some of the ones Iíve heard of and seen pics of. But still, I wonder why some part of me continues to almost wish to see what would have happened if I had just chosen to sit on the opposite side of the car. Itís a curious feeling to expect to die and then still be alive. And I know Iím making a big deal of this, but let me vent a little ^^;
AnywhoÖ Because of that, I think, Iíve been getting more and more closed off. I donít think Iíve ever felt this alone. Just listening to myself talk disgusts me, because itís so much the same when in my head everything is painted grey. Itís just empty feeling, the same feeling of being alone over and over again. Itís kind of scary to know how well I can ďfake it.Ē Why even now, I know that I could just close this and put a smile on my face like nothing ever happened. In fact, right about now everything I do and everything I lie about disgusts me and I canít watch. I spend all my time working now, so I can think about other things. Luckily the work is quite fun, and I get to do it with a very good friend of mine. I think she feels the same as I do, in that things arenít rightÖ But since neither of us knows what the hell is going on I think itís just a wave weíll have to ride onto the shore.
Iíve been observing myself and my emotions for a while now, basically since the crash happened. At first, it was shock, obviously. And excitement. Almost to the point of ďLetís go again~!Ē It was almost a release in some way, now I jump at the opportunity for a thrill. But Iíve noticed that a lot of my negativity comes in the form of anger. I donít usually get angry, and Iím pretty mellowÖ So it came to me as a surprise to find myself in an increasingly dark mood, and one in which anger was the primary state. Erin can tell you all about itÖ No need to relive it ^__^
MehÖ Just a lot of things are going downhill latelyÖ Iíve even given up hope of bringing back someone who ďdied.Ē Iíve resigned myself to just accepting things the way they are. Maybe itís a cowardly move, I donít know. I donít consider myself a cowardÖ But Iíve been told otherwise, so Iím always open to suggestions. Who knows, maybe itís not even said person, maybe itís me. There does seem to be something at least one of us is unwilling to admit or confess. Who knows anymoreÖ
It does scare me that everything is dark. Maybe the reason I smile isnít to lie to everyoneÖ Maybe itís to make other people feel better. Honestly I have no clue ^__^ (<----- Totally sincere smile, no joke).
Anyway, I suppose I must sound pretty emo, huh? xP Just venting, I donít think Iím anything CLOSE to chronic depressive or anything like thatÖ Just worried about a lot of stuff, some of it is probably not even mine to worry about. But oh well, if I donít worry who will?
(Honestly) Cheerfully yours,

Moony



淡い記憶がまだ 残した傷みに滲む 手に入れたものが 全て過ちでも
Awai kioku ga mada nokoshita itami ni nijimu Te ni ireta mono ga subete ayamachi de mo



Asai nemuri no naka hagareta omoi ga kishimu Nani mo kamo ima wa subete keshisaretara
浅い眠りの中 剥がれた想いが軋む 何もかも今は 全て消し去れたら

||Foxxes Cove||Silver Patronus||
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Member of:
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The Order of the Phoenix


Currently Working On:
I Solemnly Swear I am Up to No Good - Chapter 6
Red Noon - Chapter 3

01-29-2008 12:27 PM
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PadFoot
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Post: #125
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

Quote:
Erin can tell you all about itÖ No need to relive it ^__^

o-o Yes yes NO need to relive it! o-o;;


Quote:
To think that part still expects to die anyway. I donít think Iím afraid anymore, if I was. I probably am, though. After all, the car accident was nothing compared to some of the ones Iíve heard of and seen pics of.


o-o;;;;




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01-29-2008 11:14 PM
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Moony
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Post: #126
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

Kay, soÖ Just sitting here in lunch, waiting for everyone to come backÖ And Mike has chips that taste like Ramen noodles xD
I had some mixed thing of pretzels, cheese-its and some garlic crunchy cracker stuff. o-o And before I had some mini-oatmeal bites ^-^

Anyway, the day so far has been pretty normal Ė boring. Just working on JavaScript, Erin and I are trying to get rollovers to work on The v2 of the Marauderís Map. ItísÖ taking a lot longer than we had anticipated. O-o;;
So yeahÖ. Otherwise nothing has happened. Everyoneís been pretty distant today for some reason, Iíve noticedÖ Now I do regret putting up that last entry, but Iím not going to delete it nowÖ I just needed to vent and no one seems to be helping o-o
Ah well, Iíll get over it eventually. Just donít expect me to lie anymore about things. Ask me if thereís anything wrong and Iím trying hard to not deny it. Smiling is a different story thoughÖ I donít really consider that lying, so thereís no reason for me to stop if people think it helps. Iím just not going to lie to anyoneís face anymore, so they can actually know just how I think :D orÖ something, whatever. Itíll do something o-o

Itís funny, my desktop is of the marauders and it looked like Sirius had a third arm o-o;;;
The we figured out that it was only an illusion created by the start menu. Evil little silver barÖ.

Míkay, thatís about it, I guess. Everyone should be back in a few minutes anyway, so I wonít be alone for much longer. In the mean time, I think Iíll look up some more Nostradamus stuff. Itís pretty interesting o:

Moony



淡い記憶がまだ 残した傷みに滲む 手に入れたものが 全て過ちでも
Awai kioku ga mada nokoshita itami ni nijimu Te ni ireta mono ga subete ayamachi de mo



Asai nemuri no naka hagareta omoi ga kishimu Nani mo kamo ima wa subete keshisaretara
浅い眠りの中 剥がれた想いが軋む 何もかも今は 全て消し去れたら

||Foxxes Cove||Silver Patronus||
||Administrator || Professor||

Member of:
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The Order of the Phoenix


Currently Working On:
I Solemnly Swear I am Up to No Good - Chapter 6
Red Noon - Chapter 3

01-30-2008 02:53 AM
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PadFoot
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Post: #127
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

Quote:
Iíve noticedÖ Now I do regret putting up that last entry, but Iím not going to delete it nowÖ I just needed to vent and no one seems to be helping o-o



I am here for you Moony.. if you need me!




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01-30-2008 05:32 AM
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Snape
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Post: #128
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

I'm here, if you need someone to talk too. :D

Snape


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02-02-2008 12:21 PM
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Moony
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Post: #129
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

Thanks guys



淡い記憶がまだ 残した傷みに滲む 手に入れたものが 全て過ちでも
Awai kioku ga mada nokoshita itami ni nijimu Te ni ireta mono ga subete ayamachi de mo



Asai nemuri no naka hagareta omoi ga kishimu Nani mo kamo ima wa subete keshisaretara
浅い眠りの中 剥がれた想いが軋む 何もかも今は 全て消し去れたら

||Foxxes Cove||Silver Patronus||
||Administrator || Professor||

Member of:
The Marauders
The Order of the Phoenix


Currently Working On:
I Solemnly Swear I am Up to No Good - Chapter 6
Red Noon - Chapter 3

02-02-2008 02:19 PM
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Moony
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Post: #130
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

Yeah... I was really pissed earlier. And when I found out we had no school tomorrow I um.... bruised my hands on the kitchen counter and the oven. Yeah, heh.... My friends mean a lot to me and I really wanted to say goodbye. Now I find out I won't see them again for over a week, not to mention miss 2 important things I was just.... I lost what little control I had today.....


So the story goes:
We had a bomb threat yesterday. First they put us outside, but in the sub zero temps they couldn't leave us out there for more than 10 minutes. So hey cleared the gymnasium, designated it a "safe zone" and had their little search. At the time I thought it was all very amusing, but we had another one today around the same time. And then they evacuated us by bus, closed the school and ruined my entire week. Now I can't pass out the valentines I worked so hard on, and worse yet I can't say goodbye... Sure, I can do it online, but it's not the same....

Yeah, before I get pissed again let's move on....

Anywho, I've now been set up with a MySpace account, so anyone who has one feel free to message me about becoming a contact~
I added Three Days Grace....
I LOVE ADAM. Just thought I'd let you know.

And to prove the extent of my freaking out - a convo snippet.

Moony says:
So how do I add them?
Moony says:
o-o;;;
Moony says:
Never had a famous band before xD
Si ck Pad Foot says:
http://messaging.myspace.com/index.cfm?f...ID=2148513


^ Go here
Si ck Pad Foot says:
did it work?
Moony says:
o-o;;
Moony says:
Yes
Moony says:
*freaking out*
Si ck Pad Foot says:
^-^ Good
Moony says:
o-o OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
Moony says:
<3
Si ck Pad Foot says:
O_O WHAT?
Moony says:
I LOVE THREE DAYS GRACE I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE THEY GOT AN EMAIL FROM ME
Moony says:
Even if it IS jsut MySpace
Moony says:
OMG
Si ck Pad Foot says:
xD
Moony says:
COME ON, What would you do if you got an email from SIRIUS???
Si ck Pad Foot says:
O_O FREAK OUT
Si ck Pad Foot says:
xD
Moony says:
^_^
Moony says:
I'd blush, faint, and wake up in the hospital from cardiac arrest
Moony says:
All in that order.
Si ck Pad Foot says:
xD I would probably do that as well
Moony says:
^__^
Si ck Pad Foot says:
x3
Moony says:
I'm freaking out o-o
Moony says:
My leg won't stop twitching and I'm typing to HORRENDOUSLY
Moony says:
WOW.
Si ck Pad Foot says:
xD
Moony says:
;-; <-- tears of joy
Si ck Pad Foot says:
^-^ w00!
Moony says:
Ok, need to calm down now... *breathes deeply*
Moony says:
OMG
Moony says:
WAIT A SEC
Si ck Pad Foot says:
O_O
Moony says:
I'LL HAVE AN EMAIL FROM THREE DAYS GRACE IN MY INBOX
Moony says:
OMFG
Si ck Pad Foot says:
Probably
Si ck Pad Foot says:
xD
Moony says:
X33!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah.... I told you, I don't have a lot of control lately... Things had begun to pile up for me, and got released on the counter top and me spazzing over tdg. I feel a little better now, and hopefully the trip will help. I'll be keeping a diary, and doing all the writing I can. I know I've been slack with UTNG but if I can I'll definitely write some while I'm away.

Oh, and of course, I'll be buying presents and goodies for my friends (tell me now if you guys don't like anything, I'll be looking).

That is of course, if we actually go. Emily is all worried that the plans will change...

Yours,

Moony



淡い記憶がまだ 残した傷みに滲む 手に入れたものが 全て過ちでも
Awai kioku ga mada nokoshita itami ni nijimu Te ni ireta mono ga subete ayamachi de mo



Asai nemuri no naka hagareta omoi ga kishimu Nani mo kamo ima wa subete keshisaretara
浅い眠りの中 剥がれた想いが軋む 何もかも今は 全て消し去れたら

||Foxxes Cove||Silver Patronus||
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Member of:
The Marauders
The Order of the Phoenix


Currently Working On:
I Solemnly Swear I am Up to No Good - Chapter 6
Red Noon - Chapter 3

02-13-2008 12:48 PM
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Snape
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Post: #131
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

CALM DOWN Moony


SECTUMSEMPRA!!!!!!!
02-18-2008 12:32 PM
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Moony
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Post: #132
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

o-o Well I HATE leaving. It's always sad ;-;

But I'm back now :D



淡い記憶がまだ 残した傷みに滲む 手に入れたものが 全て過ちでも
Awai kioku ga mada nokoshita itami ni nijimu Te ni ireta mono ga subete ayamachi de mo



Asai nemuri no naka hagareta omoi ga kishimu Nani mo kamo ima wa subete keshisaretara
浅い眠りの中 剥がれた想いが軋む 何もかも今は 全て消し去れたら

||Foxxes Cove||Silver Patronus||
||Administrator || Professor||

Member of:
The Marauders
The Order of the Phoenix


Currently Working On:
I Solemnly Swear I am Up to No Good - Chapter 6
Red Noon - Chapter 3

02-24-2008 11:26 AM
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Daisuke's Angel
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Post: #133
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!



02-24-2008 12:12 PM
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Moony
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Post: #134
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

Just sitting here in english class now.... I still have second period left, so I'll be here for about an hour still. First english period we did another MCAS practice exam... It was so easy xD
But then... I've always done well in English, Science, and History. I'm terrible with math. And yes. I'm blaming the teachers. I know that it's partially my fault too, but honestly I don't think I've ever had a teacher that took the time to teach us one on one. Now I can't even get that time when the teacher spends his time diciplining the stupid kids (95% of the class xD ) and I can't stay after school because I won't get a ride home. My parents are NOT going to come all the way to my school just to pick me up, and I don't think the late bus goes near my house.

......Ok. Back to what really matters. o-o

Uh..... This morning I woke up once again to mysterious non-cat made noises. I happen to know that there were no cats in my room when I closed the door last night. Lucky me though, it was 5 instead of 3:15 this time. I wonder why... Regardless, it was pretty convenient. O_o I woke up and figured, "Might as well do that history assignment while I'm up." So this morning at 5 I got on my computer and did history work after freaking out... It might have a virus. Left the house at 7 to catch my bus (Jamie drove by me in her car ;-; ) and fell on the floor this morning because I was so tired. ;-; And my knee is bothering me again... Darn the family curse xD

Today is the last day of term 2, so it was a make up day in Sabonis' computer class first period. I didn't have any assignments, so I went on the computer like a nerd o:
Got some nice posting done, yes I did...

Second period, I had history. I SHOT Dylan on accident. ;-; I was bending my ruler and he put his pencil in the bend and happened to let go exactly the same time that I did. Almost got hit in the neck xD
That was my history lesson. A ruler/pencil bow and arrow. Classic.

So now I'm just in English. o-o Nothing to do...
Up next I have lunch, followed by 2 periods of Math (with another sub O_o ) and then 2 periods of science. o-o

Ta ta then xD

--Moony



淡い記憶がまだ 残した傷みに滲む 手に入れたものが 全て過ちでも
Awai kioku ga mada nokoshita itami ni nijimu Te ni ireta mono ga subete ayamachi de mo



Asai nemuri no naka hagareta omoi ga kishimu Nani mo kamo ima wa subete keshisaretara
浅い眠りの中 剥がれた想いが軋む 何もかも今は 全て消し去れたら

||Foxxes Cove||Silver Patronus||
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Member of:
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Currently Working On:
I Solemnly Swear I am Up to No Good - Chapter 6
Red Noon - Chapter 3

03-15-2008 12:59 AM
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Daisuke's Angel
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Post: #135
RE: Ramblings of a Marauder

i would of drove you but i had Kati, and I know how u dislike her.



03-15-2008 03:32 AM
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