Remove Ads

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Jamie's not so angelic blog
#1
Update 6.7.07
Last night I went to James's house. Tyler hung out with us for a while, it was fun. ME & James Made out like all night. anyways...we all had fun listinin to Tyler bein rlly hyper cause he had a redbull and a Monster. OMFG that was annoying, HE WOULDN'T SHUT UP! lolz. Today is thurseday and I am drained as hell. James is coming to a Graduation Party with me and My mom on Saterday. this will be interesting. Friday me and tyler are suppose to go to James's again...This is goin to  be OMEGA Interesting. I had my sports physical yesterday and I passed!! I get to play football this fall, it'll be fun...i think. I still need to get my portfolio done, It needs to be in tomorrow or I'll have to stay back next year. =[ Its already 6 months late. anyways so I just found James is going to Tennesse this August!! Which means he is gonna miss going to Ozzfest with me! I asked his mom if I could go to Tennesse with them if i can't get Ozzfest tickets and i forgot what she said, i think she said something along the lines of I don't know. Anyways I gotta go get ready for school.

Emo-tasticly, Angel AKA Jamie
Reply
#2
Update 6.8.07
Hey all, Life is pretty peachy, Partyin in most of my classes, its the last day of Academics. In Geometry we watched Alladin. Uhhh that was pretty cool. I got a award in Geometry for "The most likely not to turn in Homework" lolz. and Yesterday I got a award in English for "Leadership in English". I have some extra credit work i need to get done, If i get a 100 on both assignments my grade will go up to a D. In History I have a C and In all my other classes I am getting an A. We get our grade back for Final exams in Biology today. w00t I think I did good. I got to see James after Geometry, He and a bunch of Freshman got locked out of their shop. lolz. and then he got his muffin in my hair. T.T oh wellz. Tonight I am going to James's house and Tyler is spending the night there and Sarah and Jeshua might join us... Tyler is going to Bri's (>.< I hate her) house after school and Sarah and Jeshua might not come till later so me and James might take a walk up to the jewelers to look at rings. =] Its probley gonna be silver with a crystal gem, but, hey its not how expensive the ring is, its the meaning behind it. And the meaning is that me and James love each other. I might get Pizza in my next class! YEAH PARTY! lolz. I am so hyper and i don't know I had alot of sugar this morning. My breakfast consisted of Frosted mini wheats, cookies & Deit coke. Wow...Thats unhealthy...lolz.

Emo-tasticly,

Jamie AKA Mrs.Daisuke Niwa


Reply
#3
Angel Wrote:
Update 6.8.07
Hey all, Life is pretty peachy, Partyin in most of my classes, its the last day of Academics. In Geometry we watched Alladin. Uhhh that was pretty cool. I got a award in Geometry for "The most likely not to turn in Homework" lolz. and Yesterday I got a award in English for "Leadership in English". I have some extra credit work i need to get done, If i get a 100 on both assignments my grade will go up to a D. In History I have a C and In all my other classes I am getting an A. We get our grade back for Final exams in Biology today. w00t I think I did good. I got to see James after Geometry, He and a bunch of Freshman got locked out of their shop. lolz. and then he got his muffin in my hair. T.T oh wellz. Tonight I am going to James's house and Tyler is spending the night there and Sarah and Jeshua might join us... Tyler is going to Bri's (>.< I hate her) house after school and Sarah and Jeshua might not come till later so me and James might take a walk up to the jewelers to look at rings. =] Its probley gonna be silver with a crystal gem, but, hey its not how expensive the ring is, its the meaning behind it. And the meaning is that me and James love each other.Yup thats all that it needs to be. I might get Pizza in my next class! YEAH PARTY! lolz.I don't like pizza all that much. I am so hyper and i don't know I had alot of sugar this morning. Thats not good, Hide everyone Jamie had sugar!!!!!!!!!!My breakfast consisted of Frosted mini wheats, cookies & Deit coke. Wow...Thats unhealthy...lolz.

Emo-tasticly,

Jamie AKA Mrs.Daisuke Niwa


Reply
#4
Update 6.11.07
Ok lets have this be a drug-filled post, jus kidding i have non drug related things to say too. I have been itchen to buy some weed lately, but I haven't cause James dosen't want me to buy any. T.T Right now I would give anything to relax, I know I know there are better things to make me relax besides drugs. I just miss the taste, the smell, and the munchies (no wonder i gained so much weight since last year). If Couldn't smoke weed, I wouldn't mind just haveing a cig to chill me out, now thats an addiction that kills to quit. Its almost a month since i smoked anything, and its been great but it been hell. See, I never relized how much shit i truely dealed with until i stopped doing drugs. And I do deal with alot. I tryed XTC a while ago, when i frist started dealing (i don't sell anymore), and I got to admitt it was fun, but It was kinda interesting, the high i got, but I don't want to do that again. Before I started buying weed, I was looking for buying pills, and well pills are worst for you than smoking, well depending on the pill. I Have done Caffiene Pills just to get a short term high, but i learned its easier to drink energy drinks. I actually wouldn't mind trying someother pills, but maybe trying to be drug free is a good thing. I used to Drink alot, alot of people already knew that, i was getting bad and my theropist even said i was a "alcohalic". One Differance between me and alcohalics, I don't go to meetings. I probley should though. Alcohal is big addiction in my family besides Cocaine and Crack (I will never ever touch Crack or Cocaine). When I start drinking I just dont stop, I drink until i am shitfaced and you have to pry the bottle out of my hands. Its nothing to be proud of, let me tell you. I haven't drank in almost a month now also, ditching drugs, cigs, and alcohal all at the same time, probley wasn't such a good idea, but since i got my license I wanna try to be as sober as (bad word) when I drive, and I drive alot so that leaves no room for drugs & alcohal. My Mom fractured her wrist Thurseday night and is put on Oxycodone, which is a pill, made from OxyConton (Oxy Cotton) and Codeine. Which are two very addictive pain killers. and supposedly really good to get high off of, Oxycodone would probley go for alot if sold but, who knows, I am not really up for finding out. I was thinking about trying one, but the pros and cons dont even out. Pro I get High Con overdose = death, mom would kill me if she found out and James would use the D-U-M-P-E-D word. and I think Losing James is basically the thing stopping me right now. Any Ways I lately have been thinking about going back to youthgroup and I miss everyone so much. Since I have been away my life has gone down hill and taken many turns for the worse, and led me astray from the path of God. I want to get my life back on track but, it dosen't look too promising for going back to youth group, What I did what to get kicked out was unexceptable (don't ask what i did). It was disrespectful and Just plain wrong. anyways, for all you in Youth group, I'm Sorry. I am Sorry I was such an idiot and I am sorry if I caused any harm. I am sorry I talked poorly of Jeremy and Mandy (i don't even know how i even dared too.). I wish there was something I could do to come back. Anyways I am thinking of switching out of my shop next year. I love AutoBody and AutoBody work but, my allergies are killing me and the people In the shop I can't stand. Me and K keep clashing also and I don't need to get to the point where he sends me to ISS. I talked to Mr. Ricther and He suggested me possibly exploring the following shops: Auto Tech (jamesy is in there), Machine Tech, & ITP (YEAHH Jeshua, Sarah & Erin r in there). If anything I will probley end up in Auto Tech with my babii. Any ways I get Ozzfest Tickets tonight!! Well They go on sale June 12 (tomorrow) so I am staying up till midnight so I can get my tickets.

My myspace Profile Song, "Oxy Cotton" By Lil Wyte.
Lyrics:
Lil wyte Wrote:[Lil' Wyte]
Go on and slip me two Xanax Bars - I'm ready to git fool
5th of crown to wash it down, I'm downtown snapping rules
Ain't no shame up in my game - in fact I'm mentally deranged
Oxycontin in my system - man I'm feeling kinda strange
Watch me choke about this dope - Blueberry from Texas
You wanna git up in rotation that's too bad cause I'm stressing
'Bout now its 1:30 am - 11 Percocets just entered me
15 minutes from this second - I'll be crawling on my knees
Laughing at the crowd of all the clowns that be surrounding me
Take another loritab to calm me down and let me see
Body be relaxed - muscles be loose, and you have stopped the pain
No more bitching 'bout your day and work and driving in the rain
Put up wit' the fussing and discussion - I plant in your brain
Hypnotize ya minds, like all the rest but I come through the veins
Take a chill pill to slow me down and git back in this game
Gatta be up on ya P's and Q's to even feel it mane

[Hook 2x - Lil' Wyte]
Oxycotton - Xanax Bars - Percocet and Lortab
Valiums - Morphine - patches - Exstacy - and it's all up for grab
What'cha want - what'cha need - hit me up I got you mane
What'cha want - what'cha need - hit me up I got you mane

[Lord Infamous]
Scarecrow, scarecrow whats that you popping?
A powerful pill they call Oxy Contton
But it'so tiny, that it got you dragging
Haven't you heard big things come in small packages
I prefer the orange's with the black O-C
Take to and you cannot move up out ya seat
Some people melt 'em down in a needle and shoot 'em up
But I pop 'em with Seroquel like glue, I am stuck

[Crunchy Blac]
See I'ma pill popper - so I'ma keep poppin' em
Gimme 20 Xanax and I'ma start droppin' em
They ain't no stoppin' him - when they in my system
Mane I really miss 'em - can you help me get 'em
I heard you have Clidina, on that fucking pill shed
Gimme some fuckn Ec' - gimme some Percocets
I need me some four bar, so I can break down
Cause a nigga like me 'finna take it to funky town

[Hook 2x - Lil' Wyte]
Oxycontin - Xanax Bars - Percocet and Lortab
Valiums - Morphine - patches - Ecstacy - and it's all up for grab
What'cha want - what'cha need - hit me up I got you mane
What'cha want - what'cha need - hit me up I got you mane

Peace out, Angel
Reply
#5
Update 6.19.07
I am not in a good mood what so ever. I have had a headache all day and felt pretty emo. This job thing jus aint goin my way, I have to call em Thurs. and find out my hours... & this is rlly sucking. And I am allowed to go back to Youth Group... But with all that good, I have one rlly big BAD! Today I got a speeding ticket for $200. I was going 45mph in a 25mph zone. I might loose my license for 90 days and I jus fucken starting a job. this fucken sux and i need to figure this out but right now i wanna curl up and die. My Parents r over reacting and all I want is to be held by James, because when I am in his arms I know everything is gonna be ok, but with him working and my mess of a life, he can't hold me all the time and let me know everything is ok. I am hatting summer more than anything right now.

Peace out Bitches, this emo girl is gonna go read some manga (currently reading DeathNote.),

Jamie Lynn
Reply
#6
Update 7.1.07

Sunday -- Nothing **TODAY**
Monday -- Nothing
Tuesday -- Work 12-3 & Work 5-8 Then to James's
Wednesday -- 4th of July - Spending day with James
Thurseday -- Last day I have my License... but doing Nothing
Friday -- Leaveing for Upstate NY to see Family
Saterday -- God Knows what...
Sunday -- Returnig Home in the AM & Work 5pm-8pm
Monday -- MY 17th BIRTHDAY! SHOW ME LOVE!

if u know me personally call me to chill b4 Friday!
Reply
#7
7.9.2007 [[happy 17th Birthday to me]]
Happy Birthday to me, I dont see why its so happy. I am in a crappy mood. Not many people really care about it or me right now. My parents said we could go out to dinner for my birthday tonight after I get out of Work, & james could come. But, now they wont do it because they dont want to eat at 8pm. But I really wanted to do something after work. because I really wanted to spend to day with James. but he has to work till 3:30 and has a appt at 4. I had to work 5-8 and now have to go in early at 3. and the only time me and James r both available today is after I get out of work. And My dad wont pick me up from James's after and James's Parents probley wouldn't give me a ride home so I am basically screwed over. Being alone on my Birthday. Most of the Day this week wouldn't work out for anything anyways becuase I gotta work nights. & Every other birthday everyone has, we dont go that day so everyone forgets about it, and that will probley happen here. No one gets it, or how I feel right now. My parents didn't even get me anything for my birthday. I know that shouldn't matter but, still I feel so forgotton, unloved, and pushed aside, unimportant. I fucken Hate this right now. I wanna curll up and die. My Dad said that "This is the Real world, and that If your not ready for it, You shouldn't of gotton a job." Well (bad word) that. I am 17 years old of course I am not ready for the real world. I only got a job because I need some extra cash and I had my license. Now, I got my license Suspended and now I need the money more than ever. Why Can't anyone Understand. & also they r going over to my Sister's w/o me and I really wanted to see her. I am still in Fucken Tears. Its Fucken Bullshit. I should be gettting what I want on my Birthday. Fucken I dont even have a cake. I could go for a bottle of Vodka right now....But that wont solve my problems, One thing, I cant buy any, Two, I am not in the mood to ask someone to buy me any, & Three, James wouldn't be too happy with me. So, thats out of the question. Plus Alcohol never solves anything. Well I gotta go be depressed and what not. Byez. Daisuke's Angel
Reply
#8
8.6.07
Finally a new Blog from the Emo Angel, Huh? Srry I haven't been writtin, I have been busy. Today I hit a cliff & I feel like i fell of this cliff. My life feels like there is nothing left. You Probley are wondering how i can feel so lost and lonely when I am engaged but, i do. I wanna cut myself and cry myself to sleep, but I can't, I won't sink to that level again, I dont want to be that depressed. Depression always makes me suicidal and thats not a good thing. I dont understand how i can be depressed. Look at my life its wonderful. I have a wonderful job at McDonald's, earning over a $100 a week. I have a wonderful family who loves me, My neicse jus turned 6 years old. I have a wonderful Fiance who love me more than life. Why Do I feel so depressed then? I wanna curl up and bleed. Bleed all my pain away. pour out all my suffering with my tears. a sharp razorblade on my skin cutting me, ridding me of pain. But I wont cut. I cant. Well I would, I just cant. I cut and I am at risk for going to a mental hospital, and that would be bad... & James would be really pissed. I dont want James pissed. I just feel so lost, lonely, & sad. :/

Emo-tasticly, Jamie
Reply
#9
I love him So much
He is my peanut butter to my Jelly
He is my Spongebob to my Patrick
He is my Internet to my Computer
He is my Best to my friend
He is My Oxygen to my lungs
He is my Reason
Reason to:
--Breathe--
--wake up--
--work--
--Sleep--
--Dream--
--My Reason to Live--

Jaci Valesquaz Wrote:As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You are the only love I’ll need

I love him so much, Sometimes he makes me angry and I swear I wonder why I am still with him. Then I look into his heavenly Blue Eyes. all the "I love you"'s. It's Like his finger's are suppose to be intwined with mine.
Some random chic that lives near James Wrote:You two look so fucking cute togther

[Image: LoveQuotes.jpg]

On September 10th we met. Thanx to my stupidity of having Jeremy try to find me a man, cause I guess you could say i was desperate. When I frist saw him my heart skipped a beat. He was so Handsome. I thought he was a senior Tongue, Until Jeremy told me u were a Freshman, I begged Jeremy to ask him for his phone number and he did get it for me. That afternoon on the way home from school I tried to call him to make sure it was the right number and found out it was and he was at work...hmmm a working boi. lolz. Later that night I went to a wake for My X's mom who died. and when I got home James had called me, so I called him back we started talking and then started talking online (myspace comments FTW). It was the start of something magical.

[Image: th_dyam3r.jpg][Image: th_5v7k7m.jpg][Image: th_7070422.png]

Over the next couple days we fell for eachother as we got to know eachother. and On September 12th 2007 we decided to go out. We found a few annoyances, my addictions, ur height (lolz) and more. I gave u love, I stole ur heart. I gave u ur frist kiss and more, and we still are covering the frist's bases lolz and secounds. Tongue we fight then make up. But in the End we make it through togther.
Jaci Valesquaz Wrote:In my life you are all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You are the one that is there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Imagine me without you
I’d be lost and so confused
I wouldn’t last a day I’d be afraid
Without you there to see me through
On June 4th 2007 Me and James annouced our engagement to everyone except our family's. We were congradulated with and up-roar and dissapproval from most. But, we have made it for almost 9 months dating and almost 3 months engaged. I love him with all my heart.

[Image: th_icon11.gif][Image: th_LOVE.gif][Image: th_love__icon.jpg]

I Like Love James Alan Forever
[Image: n605327183_309589_7999.jpg]
jaci Valesquaz Wrote:When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rush to set me free
Reply
#10
10.9.07
Long time no Blog. Wow! Alots been going on and some of you know what it is. Ok so to start things off, I’ll start with Work. Work Is well work. Its been really busy lately and the same shit different day basically. There are a lot of weirdos, and there are a lot of awesome People. My Peeps from work include, Elias, Johnathin, Brandon, Ashly, Emily, Amber, Alberto, Carlton and Nelly. Anyways work sucks as usual, making burgers every day for the hungry fatasses of America who will soon die of a heart attack. Ok School, School is well Living hell as usual. Shop is great. Computer Programming is really something I enjoy. I have my three best friends in here, Sarah, Erin, And Jeshua. They are awesome. I also have a lot of new friends. I see James a lot at school which is very ideal, it makes me happy. Academics are ok, they are actually very interesting. Oh I have a new bestfriend at school, her name is Alyssa. She’s Wicked awesome, everyone calls her Aj though, Aj is Short for Alyssa Jean. <3. My personal life is pretty complicated and confussing right now, My brother is living with us, I have found a new religion, and my relationships are hell. Ok. Lets start with my brother, he is back with us for a while which makes living at home literally hell. Its horrible. Everyone is all uptight and annoyed, its like its not even home. :/ As For my religion. You all Probley have known me as a proud Christian but I have decided to convert to wiccan. Worshipping The God and The Goddess. I really Like their beliefs, I know a lot of You are probley like: *gaspeth*. But well really I have been into wicca and witchcraft for many years now, and never really had the guts to look into it or actually, get more information. But now I have researched enough and have decided. Big Grin I think this will truly help me. I have already started my book of Shadows, If there is any interest I can make a “witches Journal” in the Blog section (if its ok with James) where I can record spells, When I do them and if they work. I think it would be really cool and I could actually talk about wiccan history and more, and people can actually disscuss it if they want. This would be a hater free zone so, yeahhhh. Any ways. My relationships, Is basically me and James. Me and James aren’t so great. Last Tuesday He dumped me because he is “sick of the fighting” and we are now Just friends. I hate this, Its living hell and I don’t want to be just friends, I want to be more. We did fight for a lil while but I think we could have gotton through it and lasted, but oh well I guess. He really wants me to move on, but its hard… I really love him with all my heart. I am trying hard to do his bidding and try to move on, but really, I don’t think he understands how I feel or why I feel like this. The only way I can explain it is its love. But he’s says he dosent love me like he used to. Who Knows? He knows. He’s just Idk. All last week he was a real jerk. He has also been very coldhearted about it, and he even admitted it. Basically If you haven’t realized why I took a break from DW yet, Your oblivious to the Obvious. Its because me and James, are not togther and things are really hard for me. A lot of People are telling me to stop clinging onto the past. I have kind of denied it, because the past is happy. And I, I am depressed. Unhappy. So I cling to the light and the light makes my present dark and gloomy. What I have been saying lately is “friends can hold hands too.” And holding hands leads to having our arms wrapped around eachother. Everytime I see him, touch him, think of him, he just takes me breath away.
He is the reason I breathe, Without Him I will die…I guess You killed me.
I don’t really understand why it has to be this way. I don’t want it to be over. I feel it’s not over. I wont give up in my heart. A lot of people ask me how I can still want to be with him even though he’s treated me not the best. Well I love him and love over powers everything. I have given up so much for James, smoking, Drinking, Cutting. Yeah I know a lot of those things are bad for me and He only had his best intentions at heart. But some of them was a part of me. Things that made me, me, but, I gave them up so he’d be happy, I gave them up so that I could be with him. When I seriously gave up cigarettes is when me and James’s relationship took a turn. I become irritable with withdrawl symptoms, making every minor disagreement a huge fight. But it wasn’t all to blame on withdrawl symptoms, I was pretty pissed about some things, like him hanging out with friends instead of me, or not planning ahead about hanging out with me, making it virtually impossible for us to hang out. Yesterday was our first day hanging out since the breakup and I will admit it was pretty tough on me. I started flirting with Tyler to kinda get my mind off James, and it worked, Both James are used to since the last break up when I had the HUGE crush on Tyler. Then eventually me and James watched Christmas vacation, we sat there on the “couch” (its actually a fouton), I Had my head resting in his lap/on his chest and he had his arm around me… It was a funny movie. Other various things happened after that point, including me kissing him on the neck. He never said a word of rejection and never did we actually kiss. Idk its kinda confussing and I really don’t get it. He told me he wasn’t feeling out of the ordinary at all yesterday. And by not out of the ordinary, he meant he felt the same as he always has when those things happen. My conclusion was that he still loves me. Here’s a few things Sorrow had to say:
TheSorrow Wrote:
Daisuke’s Angel Wrote:i stopped drinking for James
I stopped Smoking for James
I stopped cutting for James
I know that XP...And since that happened, i told you my opinion about it...That it was selfish for him to not understand, and even if it was for your safety and all...at least he would've chosen the best way for you, not the best way for him that'd screw half your life .-. That's why you're so attached to him, in fact.....You gave it all for him....and he payed you back this way...:/
TheSorrow Wrote:He probably talks to Ash more than i do 'XD Oh well....i see what happened, and i read the convos now.....Well....He really wants you to move on, that's what he's looking for :/ He still loves you, but for whatever reason he still keeps for himself, he just don't wishes to go this far with you anymore....he will keep having sex with if you if you provoke him like that because everyone loves sex, and he'll hug you and walk with you because he has some feelings for you....but even after that, he's being cold in his decision....so it could be that XP
Anyways If you have any suggestions or words of advice lemme. Know actually a lot of people have already gave me their input on Shadow Wolves, in A Topic in the OT that I started where I frequently keep people updated on the topic of the Brake up. Well I should really stop typing now, This is a extremely long blog.
Reply
#11
10/13/07
I have problems
I need help and I have needed help for years, My life is fucked up and mostly its in my head. Nobody really notices. I have become an expert at lying, ask any of my X’s, I can look some one straight in the eyes and tell them I didn’t do something that I did. When I feel mental pain, such as depression I feel the need to have physical pain, and it really helps me forget the mental pain. I know that’s pretty fucked up but, it helps me. Over the last couple weeks since me and James broke up, Day by day I get more and more depressed, and I feel more and more Lost. I don’t need anyone to run my life or make my life complete, it just should make it more worth while. I guess you could say Love for me is like an obsession. An obsession that wont go away, something that always ends badly because I do something wrong. I always do something wrong so that the things I love and care about get messed up. I feel sorry for James cause he has to put up with me like this, but I cant stop. I have been so nervous and paranoid lately, I really don’t know why… And I lash out at anyone and everyone… I wish I could treat everyone better. I guess I’ll admit it I am pretty twisted in the head. I really need to talk to someone about getting help, I am thinking about talking to my school nurse, (whom I would trust with my life) about this cause I really need help. For those of you who don’t know I took my belly ring out, Its infected, so I guess I deserved it… :/ I did get my permit the other day… but that’s about the only thing making me happy right now. I don’t know why I cant gjust get over this. Sometime Monday I am going to talk to Karen, James is coming with me for support…I have a feeling I’ll start crying and the talk will probably end with me being escorted out of the school and being sent to the Mental Institute at Greenfield Medical… I am scared of going…Crazy people scare me, I guess that’s why I scare myself. But, Crazy people arent suppose to know they are crazy, but I do. I have had drug and alcohal problems in the past , probably why I am so messed up.
Quote:Never Leave me hun?
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
What?
Never Leave me I am sick of this,
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
Sick of what? O_o
Never Leave me I am sick of this shit. Feeling lost, confussed, UNLOVED! feeling alone, loving you but you not loving me, wanting to be helf by u night and day, want to kiss you, You realize everytime i hug u it makes all my troubles disapper for that moment? I sick of it all. Life is treating like shit and I am fucken sick of it all
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
But what do you want me to do about it? o.o;
Never Leave me You know what I want, You know what to do, just do what u feel is right.
Never Leave me :/
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
But what do you want me to do about it? o.o;
Never Leave me Never Leave me You know what I want,
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
And you know you can't get it, right?
Never Leave me Never Leave me You know what I want, You know what to do, just do what u feel is right.
Never Leave me i jus wish u knew how i feel
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
When its over, its over. Do you get it? x.<
Never Leave me no
Never Leave me because i dont want to get
Never Leave me it
Never Leave me I am spoiled brat I dont stop till I get what I want, and I ussually do
Never Leave me u should know that by now
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
You need to understand it. Because you're going to keep hurting yourself otherwise.
Never Leave me hurting myself is not a stranger to me.
Never Leave me Pain is what my life is
Never Leave me u know peircing my belly button wasnt jus because I wanted it? Its because I need the physical pain to rid myself of the rest of the pain
Never Leave me and it worked
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
I'm sorry to say this, but that's just... Disgusting. You are weak.
Never Leave me I have been weak for a long time
Never Leave me Blood is thicker than water
Never Leave me and I am a spitting image of my fucken mother whether i like to admit or not
Never Leave me and its not like i can fucken cut anyways I cant hide that anymore.
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
=/
Never Leave me I have problems James, no one does anything to help me though, they just think its normal cause they dont see me at my worst, You know why? Its cause I am good at lying, I can look someone in the eyes and tell them I didnt do something when I did, But love gets me everytime and eventually I break.
Never Leave me I have done theropy and it worked, but now, I dont have the option
Never Leave me My life seems worthless right now, u know when i am dating someone it keeps me intact most of the time, and its taking so much for me not to do drugs or drink, But I am not. I still Care for You and I will never stop
Never Leave me All this shit I am saying is a bunch of stuff you never wanted to hear.
Never Leave me Plus its going on the third week and October and I havent had my period. :/ I wonder why
Never Leave me There is so much shit on my mind right now, I just want to screamn
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
You honestly need help. I'm not saying that in a crude way, either. If you keep letting stuff like that go, you're digging yourself a deeper hole that you won't be able to get out of. You're pretty much screwed now .-.
Never Leave me i have been screwed since that day i was conceived even more screwed the day I said yes to Jordan
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
And don't go concerning yourself over your period, you haven't shown one damned sign of pregnancy and it isn't the first time it's come late
Never Leave me I know thats why i am rlly not caring about it, its jus another thing that bugs me like everything else in this fucken world.
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
>.<
Never Leave me James you dont understand me.
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
.-.
Never Leave me James I am sorry you have to see me like this.
I am sorry I said all that, cause u dont need to hear half that shit. I am sorry I am a mental Case, and I am sorry because I just lashed out and vented, and I really shouldnt vent to you cause you dont need my bullshit, You get enough as it is.
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
I don't get any bs O.o;
Never Leave me you do from me
Never Leave me all my "I miss you" shit
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
=/ Meh
Never Leave me meh You dont need any of it, it should of ended after monday, no actually it should of ended after the 24hr mark
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
Yes! T////T
Never Leave me I dont know why it hasnt
Never Leave me i dont understand
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
Something causes you to keep bringing it up XP
Never Leave me something in my heart.
Never Leave me I cant stop thinking about you
Never Leave me I want it to stop so bad
Never Leave me i must say ur dad's gonna be mad.. Jeff Gordan jus won the race
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
*Slap* >:/
Never Leave me srry.
Never Leave me anyways
Never Leave me I think i need to spend some time in a mental institute...?
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
If you feel you do. I don't want to leave my opinion because it means nothing. What you think is what matters. Do you think you need to? If so, if you seriously think it could benefit you, then by all means do it. If not, then life goes on.
Never Leave me i dont know, I think i am gonna have a talk with Karen and tell her everything and find out what she thinks
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
k
Never Leave me why do i got to be this way??!!
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
I dunno o-o;;
Never Leave me james I am afraid
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
Of what, exactly?
Never Leave me 2 things
Never Leave me telling someone
Never Leave me going somewhere
Never Leave me and
Never Leave me that one time it wont be just u minor cut, it'll be something worse. :/
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
Go to Karen, and talk to her. You seriously are in need of some help.
Never Leave me will u go with me
Never Leave me for support?
              Innocent little Niwa-kun         //               ONE. || last kiss <3         says:
When are you going?
Never Leave me sometime Monday
I wish It could be all better, I wish I didn’t have to resort to something like a mental hospital… or talking to someone who could make my life hell. :/
Reply
#12
*hug* It be alright!
Reply
#13
I don’t want help any more
10-14-2007
“If I gave You the Truth Would it keep you alive?”
I don’t help any more, because everything I have lived for the past 10 months has basically been built on lies. ALL OF IT LIES! I guess In away revenge can be sweet. What Revenge can inflict? NONE. Because I have nothing I can do to hurt him because I am the weak, I am the one that wants to die. I am sorry I loved him, I am sorry I fucked him, I am sorry I let him hold me, touch me, Convince me of these LIES! I thought the regret of taking his virginity was bad, till I hear this shit. I Shouldn’t of taken his virginity, It should have been someone else, for instance Sarah. His First love, his true love. He loves her, He never loved me. Everything is LIES to me. And I everything I love dies, everything I love gets destroyed. Everything I love is a worthless piece of shit that keeps bringing me down. I wouldn’t love anything more than drinking a bottle of the strongest liquor, chugging, it, smoking a pound of weed and taking every pill known to man, until I cant take it anymore and I pass out. But I wont do that, because I am better than that, and Its his lost I guess that this past 10 months has been LIES. I guess I had a right to be jealous when he was with her, I could see the way they looked at each other, I could see the joy in his eyes at the mention of her name, it was nothing like that with me. It was like I was second best to her. Anyways All I do is destroy everything that makes me or anyone around me happy. Yes I have anger issues and Yes I want to talk to them in person about this face to face and Yes I do want to punch both of them in the face. I wont punch them though. I can’t. Sarah’s like a sister to me and I hate to see her hurt and I would hate to see her with James but maybe it would be best if they did give it a try…. I need to stay single for a while anyways. And James, I could never seriously hurt him, I love him to much, but If I love him I gotta let him go, So if he wants to date her, I wish him well. I will try to be happy as I can, but , I am not making any promises that I wont be a tidbit mad but, I’ll try not to go all psycho about it. I hope they do give it a chance though. If it fails then it’s a “I told you so” and I will be there for both them and maybe me and James would get back togther (doubtful now…:/). If it doesn’t fail, good for them, I’ll have to move on after a couple days of freaking out. But, I will get through this. My Problem is I am too attached to him and I need to get over it. Its over.

Its all over.
I am over.
James is over.
We are over.
It was never love, because the only one that loved was me.
Sorry for taking your virginity man, all I got to say is “My Bad”.
And for the rest of you, (bad word) you for always keeping me in the Shadows.
And to James and Sarah:
[Image: m_058a869b3f0e70c8403243de26d00624.jpg][Image: m_4ca3538578e7790573953bced80cad5b.jpg][Image: m_fe21ee2c387d58e43ae86d1ba03f3a86.jpg][Image: m_beecdc8733e6f4e491b30df16ea56d1b.jpg]
(bad word) you for never telling me shit for the truth

And James this is how u left me:
[Image: m_7ade7f2acb66a5fef34df8bd650ec3e5.jpg]
BROKEN

I bet u don’t even feel bad, cause u love her.
Reply
#14
10-16-07
Okey So I have this infection in my eye and it rlly sucks. And also I saw my doctor yesterday, And I am on this anti-depressant/bi-polar Medication called Seriquil. The most common uses is to treat Skitzofrenia and Bi-polar dissorder. OMG I took some last night and it like knocked me out cold, Cause it has some like heavy sleeping meds in it. I am also going to be seeing a psychatrist who is gonna set me up with meds and a councelor. So I am on my way to getting help. Anyways on A Different note. My last blog, I over reacted and I apologize especially to James and Sarah for all the shit I said, It really wasn’t needed. I am Trying to move on with my life, but its really hard but I am trying. Anyways I got to get ready for school. Bye.
Reply
#15
Quote: Cut your name into my wrists. i am so hyper
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
orly
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Oh, before I forget
Cut your name into my wrists. Ice Coffee <3
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Erin and I are going out now
Cut your name into my wrists. okey.
Cut your name into my wrists. I told her she should
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
http://www.yugiohforums.com/index.php

AND LOOK AT THE PRETTY NEW YF BY ME :3
Cut your name into my wrists. thanx for killin my high but
Cut your name into my wrists. oh tomooh tomoh tomorrow yes or no?
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Well, Tyler is coming over. Do you have a ride home?
Cut your name into my wrists. ** srry botu my errors my computer is laggin a lil
Cut your name into my wrists. maybe
Cut your name into my wrists. can ur mom dirve me? or no
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Find out, my Mom can't give both of you rides
Cut your name into my wrists. :/
Cut your name into my wrists. hold on
Cut your name into my wrists. my dad dosent want to pick me up :/
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
She can only give Tyler a ride home
Cut your name into my wrists. I really want to be with u guys
Cut your name into my wrists. is there any other way seriously James
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
She's only giving Tyler a ride, she can't give you one
Cut your name into my wrists. ur dad wont i assume.
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Obv. o-o
Cut your name into my wrists. *angry/pissed off*
Cut your name into my wrists. tomorrow was suppose to be my day with you
Cut your name into my wrists. u were suppose to see if I could have a ride home
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
And I did see
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
And she said no o_o
Cut your name into my wrists. i jus thought having Tyler there would fun
Cut your name into my wrists. but NO! U have to be so ... UGH
Cut your name into my wrists. brb I need to calm
Cut your name into my wrists. down
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
I'm getting off anyway
Cut your name into my wrists. nice job on yf btw
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Thanks =3
Cut your name into my wrists. ur welcome.
Cut your name into my wrists. U know u really did a love love thing
Cut your name into my wrists. dating her, yeah I told her she should, but u know, She IS my bestfriend. thats rlly Horrible cause that could (bad word) over friendships big time. But hell its ur choice. I am happy ur finally Happy
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
*one of your bestfriends
Cut your name into my wrists. thanx for the correction but u know what i mean
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
They can , but who's to say it will .
Cut your name into my wrists. I have had this happen to me before James.
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
 Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says (10:00 PM):
They can , but who's to say it will .
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Reiterate o.o
Cut your name into my wrists. we'll see
Cut your name into my wrists. if our friendship is screwed over I blame you
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
K.
Cut your name into my wrists. and i hope u can carry that burden
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
=/
Cut your name into my wrists. I mean seriously James, aslo Havent u heard of giving it Time?
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
lol
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
wut :0
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Giving what time? xD
Cut your name into my wrists. giving time b4 dating someone else. Letting all the wounds heal
Cut your name into my wrists. Obviously all ur thinking about right now Is yourself
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
You speak of love as if its live and death .-. Which is pretty sad.

What wounds? .-.
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
*life
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Anyways, I have to go
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Seriously
Cut your name into my wrists. my wounds
Innocent little Niwa-kun // ONE. || last kiss <3 says:
Later
Cut your name into my wrists. bye
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)